The Princess Diaries Movie Style
by VictoriaGrant
Summary: Mia s Diary book style, just with the Movie characters and focused on C/J of course - tell me what you think :D
1. Day 1

This simply can´t be true, right?

This must be some very evil joke, like in one of those shows with hidden cameras- my mother and Her Majesty Queen Clarisse Marie Renaldi who also happens to be my grandmother were both sitting at the kitchen table when I slid down the pole this morning- my grandmother all prim and proper again and looking at me as though I was some sort of slug- I suppose that IS what she thinks, that I´m something disgusting and slimy that could rub off on her Prada suit and Hermés scarf and shiny golden hair- hey, no one should be allowed to be that beautiful in their sixties, especially no one who is related to me.

I mean my grandmother looks like one of those Hollywood beauties, my Dad was a reasonable handsome guy and my Mom is rather pretty herself, so how come I am me?

Anyway, so I told them that they weren´t considered family because they both lied to me and then I went back to my room- of course both Mom and my grandmother ran after me- ok, Mom ran, Her Majesty doesn´t run, she sort of floats or something.

Mom came up with that great compromise how Grandma will wait until Genovia´s Independence Day Ball before I make a decision, somehow I feel that I came off worse than Grandma but she seemed to be thinking the same for her.

I then told Grandma about my car and she actually got the hint and promised to pay some of the repairs- having a queen for a grandmother does seem to have some advantages after all.

Then she said she´d have someone drive me around town which I thought is pretty weird bus she insisted- Joe, the guy who is suppose to look after me, was really nice to me but he has a strange sense of humor and he´s rather intimidating- I can´t believe he likes working for someone who looks like Miss America 1960 and acts it too, he should go off and work for someone cool, like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Mel Gibson.

Lily freaked completely and went all squeaky and disbelieving on me but I make her get into the limo eventually in the end.

Princess lessons are horrible, Grandma made me look really, really stupid in front of Charlotte when she asked me if my bad posture was affecting my hearing.

I just didn´t listen to what she said because I was busy staring at a portrait of her where she´s all dressed up in a ball gown and with a tiara and looks like a perfected version of Grace Kelly.

Then she said that about everything on me was bad expect for my eyes- minus the glasses and the eyebrows- and that my ears looked like my Dad´s.

At the time I thought it was nice of her to say it but now I think it´s not really a complement to be told that your ears look like your father´s- well, I have to give her credit for trying- though I´m not really sure she even was.

At least she made me leave early because she had to get to dinner with some ambassador from Genovia on time or that´s what she said- Joe, who was standing next to me, was grinning all the time and Grandma glared at him in the same way she always looks at me, it always makes me want to run away but Joe only kept smiling- he probably knows that he could handle Grandma if she went ballistic on him but I think Charlotte is as scared of her as me.

I asked Joe about the girnning thing and he said it had been because Grandma had said that she had to get to her dinner on time- it turns out Grandma never gets anywhere on time, she doesn´t feel the need to, after all anyone else has to wait until she turns up anyway- she is the queen after all.

I didn´t ask Joe if he was scared of Grandma- I don´t think he´d get the joke.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Once again I´m terribly sorry it took so long- hope you´ll all enjoy it anyway :D_**

I witnessed something really good last night- Joe and I were just about to leave when Grandma came down the stairs- tonight she´s dining with some people who run a project for homeless kids- in that black evening gown that must totally have cost thousands of dollars and really high heels and Joe stopped dead in his tracks and when she reached the bottom of the stairs he kissed Grandma´s hand and told her how beautiful she looked and Grandma blushed- I´m serious, she blushed and smiled at him and Joe held her hand a bit longer that he would have needed to- now I know why he doesn´t go off and work for secret service or somewhere else where he really could kick some asses- he has a crush on my grandmother!

I´ve told Mom about the whole Joe/Grandma thing and she reckons I´m seeing things.

She says Joe has been working for Grandma ever since she became queen and she was only eighteen then and my Dad hadn´t even been born- but hey, maybe he has secretly been in love with her since like forever and is still waiting for his chance to come?

Ok, I know, I HAVE been reading too many romance novels- I suppose hot guys do not really hang around and wait for the princess to marry them in real life.

Mom also told me that my grandparent´s marriage was arranged when Grandma was a child, how creepy is that?

I mean this is not the dark ages or something- maybe there´s an arrangement for me marrying someone already as well?

Grandma only found out when she was sixteen, I suppose they wanted to wait and see if she would turn out all blonde and blue eyed and gorgeous first which obviously she did- me on the other hand, if there is something arranged for me they´ll break if off as soon as they see me- wait, I AM the heir to the throne, right, so I´m not the one who gets dumped, I´d be the one who would get to do the dumping- that´s finally something good about the whole princess thing!

Fat Louie is looking at me very disapprovingly, I suppose he doesn´t like me obsessing about a woman who doesn´t like him- there´s no doubt that Grandma doesn´t like Fat Louie, she doesn´t even like cats, she has a dog, imagine that- I´m related to someone who is blonde and pretty AND not a cat lover, if that doesn´t suck then tell me what does...

Well, apart from seeing Lana in the first and second period and Josh not noticing me except when he accidently sits on me or something- oops, time to go, Joe will be here to pick me up at any second.

Now that was a really great afternoon- just joking, it was lousy, actually- when I arrived Grandma said she had something to eat prepared for me which I thought was nice but of course, like all things Grandma does, it sounded too good to last.

She actually had Charlotte tie me to a chair with one of those stupid Hermés scarfs Grandma wears all the time, Charlotte looked really uncomfortable about it but of course she did exactly what Grandma said.

So I was sitting there and trying to reach the salt and Grandma was sitting at the opposite side of the table, working of course like always and when I complained about the scarf she told me that I should see it as a training tool, thanks a lot for that!

I was really relieved when Grandma told me that we had had enough etiquette for the evening but of course that proved to be vain hope all over again, she continued saying that Genovia does a lot of trades with Spain and that we had to prepare for that and that the quickest way to a Spanish hand was dance- dance, imagine that, me dancing, has the woman lost her mind?

Perhaps her crown is too heavy or something and has sort of squashed her brain over the years, who knows- anyway, so she led me to the ballroom- this place has a ballroom!- and told me that Joe was going to teach me some dance moves.

I don´t think Joe will ever speak to me again, I hurt him several times because I was so clumsy and Grandma was sitting there with that mild smile on her face as though she was thinking that I was a really retarded person- well, I suppose that actually WAS what she was thinking, after all she of course is perfect at everything, it sucks!

When she told me that I could go home I really ran from the room and then I noticed that I had forgotten my football shoes inside and had to go back just when Charlotte came into the lobby with that really flustered look on her face.

I asked her what was wrong and thank God it turned out that under all the regal exterior Charlotte is nothing but a girl who likes to gossip, just like me- she told me to be really really quiet and we sneaked back to the ballroom door and there were Grandma and Joe dancing together- well, not just dancing together, you could almost see the sparks between them, it was soooooo hot- I wanted to stay and spy on them a little longer but Charlotte dragged me off rather quickly- having to be responsible seems to take all the fun out of life.

So I was right, there IS something going on between Grandma and Joe, perhaps she hasn´t really noticed it yet but she will in time, how could she not!

Then Grandma is rather cool of course- well, rather cold, like an iceberg- it´s hard to imagine anyone making her melt, even Joe- I hope he knows what he´s getting himself into.

I´ll go and make a sandwich now, I´m starving after nothing but a silly salad I didn´t even manage to reach.


End file.
